This Saturday, yes that’s this Saturday, my dearly beloved sister is getting married. I’m super excited, so is everyone else [if they aren’t, they should be], and I’m her maid of honor.
Something I realized this last week a few months ago is that I have to write a speech to say at the reception.
That’s why I started working on it a few days ago.
It’s just like college. You have the entire semester to get something done, and yet you wait until the last minute to get it done. Except, if this doesn’t make par, not only will I have a failing grade at the reception, this thing will probably be video taped on a digital video camera [that’s how it works you know] for us to remember for ETERNITY.
So it better be good great so fantastic that everyone in the entire world remembers it for the rest of their lives.
Now I will regale you with a fun story about my sister. One that won’t be told in my speech, because I’d just be repeating myself. Which I do enough as it is, but here’s a moment to redeem myself. Maybe.
One day, Mom went grocery shopping. Or something like that. I remember she was gone for the afternoon or the day. It was a few hours. I think.
She’d left Sister and me at home. With Dad. When I was a child, staying home with Dad could be a little like Russian roulette. Or maybe a box of chocolate, because you never knew what would happen next.
This particular time, Sister and I decided to take a bath. Really, this wasn’t unusual, as we’d play with baby dolls or plastic animals in the tub a few times a week. We’d spend hours in the tub just having fun. Good, clean fun. Really clean. There was soap involved sometimes. Great, now I’m thinking of Fight Club. Never mind.
This time, Sister and I decided to have fun sliding back and forth in the tub. I’m sure many of you did this as children. If you slide enough, the water starts to leave the tub, Mom and Dad get angry, etc. That was fun, but then we started to move in opposite directions of each other. This was really, really fun! Not only was the water going out the ends, it was splashing up between us as well. Really high splashes.
So much so, that we had to refill the tub because we’d completely emptied it.
Sister and I took many baths during the course of our childhood. [I already mentioned that, I know. I’m just stressing a point here.] These baths could last hours. [Again, stressing a point.] So when the water became cold, we’d drain the tub and refill it with nice warm water.
Imagine Dad’s surprise when he hears the tub being filled without first hearing the tub drain.
He opened the bathroom door to find out what was up, when he steps in about three inches, that’s right inches, of water.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING???” I think were his first words. There were a lot of words, which to my 7 or 8 year old mind just went in one ear and out the other. I do remember using up all the towels in the house to clean up our mess, being very angry about cleaning too, and Dad asking, “Why couldn’t you have done this while your mother was home??”
Because, Dad, we usually did, but Mom caught us before it got to the point of the entire tub’s bathwater being on the floor.