The other day, I was talking with a friend of mine who is getting married soon and therefore is in marriage counseling, with her soon-to-be husband of course. I don’t need to get into the nitty-gritty of the conversation here, but we talked some about the Bible verses they’d read. They were looking in Ephesians, which is [for those of you who don’t know] in the New Testament, right after Galatians and right before Philippians. They were looking, to be specific, at chapter 5. To be even *more* specific, they were looking in chapter five, around verses 22 through … I’m going to say 33. That’s where I’m going to focus, anyway.

For those of you who don’t have a Bible handy, Ephesians 5:22-33 NIV states:

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

“In this same way, husbands out to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.

“’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ {Genesis 2:24} This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Before you flip out on me about the whole “wives submit to your husbands” thing, let me put in my own opinions. I think Paul [the author of Ephesians] made a mistake. Yup. I said it. He made a mistake. The way he writes it, many people get confused. They think that the wife must *first* submit, *then* the husband can do whatever. Order her around, maker her his slave, etc.

That’s not it at ALL.

FIRST. The husband must love his wife the way Jesus loves us. I’m going to tell you how Jesus loves every single one of us, even if we don’t feel like we deserve it. Jesus DIED for us. He died so that we don’t have to. He died a gruesome, horrible, sacrificial death, taking every single one of our sins that we have committed and will commit, and he took them to Hell for us so that we wouldn’t have to. And he defeated death, but that would take me too long to go into here. Maybe I’ll go into it another time.

Okay, men. Do you love your wife or girlfriend that way? Would you die a death you didn’t need to die to save her?

Since Jesus died that death in my place, I will fully do whatever he says to do, because he loves me that much. If a man loved me that much, I would do whatever he said, too.  That’s when the “submission” comes in. Submission doesn’t come FIRST, it comes SECOND. Paul kind of got it right at the end: Each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” But he still didn’t phrase it right. I would take out “*and* the wife *must* respect” and replace it with “THEN the wife WILL respect”. I wrote myself a note in my Bible that says “It’s easy to respect when he loves like Christ.”

Paul forgot something, too. He forgot that it should go both ways. A wife should love her husband so much that she would willingly die for him to save him. Then, also, the husband can willingly do whatever she says.

In talking with my parents [who have been married to each other for a little over 26 years now] about this subject, they brought up some good points. It’s easy to *say* you would die for someone, because you aren’t in that situation. Remember how I said Jesus died a sacrificial death? Let me fit this in to a daily situation. Sacrifice something you love to do, to do something for someone. Example: Instead of playing that video game all day, do what your loved one asked you to do. Sacrifice your time, your pleasures, your *self* for that person. That, as my parents say, is day-to-day love. This day-to-day-ness is what gives one the ability to die for their someone. I don’t know if I explained this in full, but I hope you understand at least some of what I’m saying.

I hope I’m leaving you with lots to think about. Feel free to email me if you’d like, at


About kayquie

I'm random, quirky, just a touch sarcastic, and a geek. I make crocheted animals/creatures/monsters, mostly of my own design. I don't really know what else to put here. I'll probably write more about myself in the blog. This is like a relationship: you can't get to know everything about me in just one sitting! :P

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