A few nights ago, when Dad came home from work, he handed me a piece of paper. This is what it said:
Application for Permission To Date My Daughter
Note: Please be prepared to submit additional information e.g. psychological profile, DNA sample, and submission to polygraph exam.
1. Name _______
2. Height __ft. __in. Weight ____Lbs. I.Q. ___ GPA ____
3. Social Security Number ___-__-____ Drivers License: State ___ Number _______
4. Home Address ___________________ City ______________ State ___
5. Boy Scout Rank ____________
6. How fast can you run 40 yards ____sec. Two miles ____min.
7. Church you attend ____________________ How often? _______________
8. In 50 words or less, Explain what “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” means to you.
9. In 50 words or less, Explain what “Late” means to you.
10. Complete the following sentences:
a. If I were to be shot, the last place I would want to be shot is in the ___________
b. If I were to be beaten, the last bone I would want to be broken is ___________
c. The one thing I hope this Application does not ask is _____________________________________
d. In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like my ashes scattered ____________________________________________
e. My greatest fear is ______________________________
11. What do you want to be if you grow up? ________________________
12. Have you ever been fingerprinted? Yes _ No _
13. Do you have any identifying marks? e.g. birth marks, scars, tattoos Yes _ No_ (if yes please explain and give location) ____________________________
14. My dentist is __________________________ City __________________ State ___
I hereby swear that all the information above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of Death and or Dismemberment.
Thank you for your interest! Please allow 4 to 6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not call, write, or e-mail. Any attempts at contact during the processing of this application could be hazardous to your health and/or cause serious personal injury.
I sure feel bad for the next guy that wants to date me. 😉